Yugi and the Gang in America
by Archy Jupiter
Summary: Yugi and his friends go to America! Watch as the insanity unfolds! BWAHAHAHA!


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Yugi and the Gang in America

ArchAngel Speedy Jupiter © 2003, April 5th, 2003.

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NOTE: I use a conversation format in this story because I'm very busy with final exams. Gomen! All actions are placed within stars, like *knocks himself out*. Heh heh.

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SUMMER: 2 WEEKS AGO

JOEY: *excited* Heeey, Yugi! Guess what? My aunt in New York sent me a bunch of plane tickets for me and my friends to go visit her. She remarried, and wants me to meet my new uncle. She also wants to meet my friends, so I thought that maybe you, me, Tristan, Tea, Mai, Kaiba, and Bakura can go together.

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YUGI: *extremely excited* WOW! That sounds great! I wanna go, and I'm sure everyone else wouldn't mind a little vacation. How long are we there?

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JOEY: Oh, just three days. We get the second day to ourselves, though. My aunt wants us to explore New York. I heard they're famous for their big apples. Man, I hope they're candy-coated! *drooling*

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NOW: ON THE AIRPLANE

*Seating Left to Right: Yugi, Joey, Tristan[the aisle]Tea, Mai, Bakura; Kaiba is behind Bakura.*

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YUGI: Joey, this is my first time on an airplane! This is awesome! But, are you sure Air Canada is American?

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JOEY: Of course it is! I mean, have you ever heard of a COUNTRY named Canada? Come on! It's obviously an American state! *whispers to self* I'm so smart!

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YUGI: Okay, then… I just found it weird that they would say everything in English and some other weird-sounding language.

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JOEY: Ah, it's just one of those languages from that American show called "Star Trek". I heard all Americans are "Trekkies"! *snicker* What a name.

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TRISTAN: Hey, guys, are you watching this show they have on right now? They got some talking moose, a flying squirrel, and an American police officer in a red uniform riding on his horse backwards!

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JOEY: Red uniform? I downloaded an episode of that American show "COPS" off the Internet, and they weren't in red uniforms…

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YUGI: I TOLD you I didn't think this was an American airline!

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JOEY: IT IS, DAMMIT!

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DAY ONE: EVENING, AFTER YUGI AND GANG HAVE LANDED

*Malik is hiding in a dark alley. He has no shirt on. Don't ask me why.*

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MALIK: HAHAHA! So, Yugi is now in America. I'm lucky I heard about it and followed. I also know his friend Joey is visiting some relatives in this area! Oh, I'm so smart, and a babe magnet to boot! Now, all I have to do is wait here in this dark alley, and when Yugi passes, I'll jump out and steal his Millennium Puzzle! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

*Someone taps Malik on the shoulder. Malik turns around and sees 20 men in suits, each carrying a steel rod.*

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MAFIA MAN: Well, well, well. A Yakuza. So, who sent ya?

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MALIK: What the Hell are you talking about?

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MAFIA MAN: So, playing smart, eh? Nobody messes with the Valentinos!

*The men advance on Malik.*

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MALIK: Wha… hey… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

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DR. DOOM: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!!!!!!!!!!!

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DAY TWO: MORNING, AT JOEY'S AUNT'S PLACE

MAI: *yawn* Good morning everyone.

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EVERYONE ELSE: Good morning.

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MAI: I was just wondering. Where did Kaiba and Bakura go? They seem to have disappeared after we left the airport.

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TRISTAN: CRAP! We totally forgot about them! Man, I feel so bad! I hope they're okay.

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YUGI: Yeah, being lost in such a large city would be horrible.

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TEA: Oh, don't worry about them. Kaiba said something about "corporate takeover", and I'm sure Bakura's with him. Kaiba's a rich boy, remember? He can take care of himself and Bakura.

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YUGI: Good point. *still worried*

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DAY TWO: 1:00 P.M.

*Mai had rented a car from the airport, and the gang is now in a rough New York neighbourhood… surrounded by a group of 5 teen punks!*

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PUNK: Come on, you spiky-haired wimp! Give us that necklace of yours and we'll let you get off easy.

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YUGI: No way! YUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!! *Yugi goes Yami!* How dare you pick on innocent Japanese tourists! In the name of the moon, I shall punish you!

*Everyone stares at Yugi.*

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YUGI: What?… WHAT?

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JOEY: Uh, never mind. Anyway, ya ready, Tristan?

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TRISTAN: Ready when you are, buddy!

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JOEY: Let's do it!

*WOOHOO! 70's Batman background theme GO!*

NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA!!!

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JOEY: *BIFF!*

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TRISTAN: *WHAP!*

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JOEY: *POW!*

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TRISTAN: *KABAM!*

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JOEY: *KERPOWEE!*

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TRISTAN: *WHIPAKAZAM!*

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TEA: Where the Hell are those giant cartoon letters coming from?!

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MAI: Beats me.

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YUGI: Who cares? They're colourful and totally block out all the gory stuff, therefore making this story suitable for all audiences.

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TEA: Err… okay…

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JOEY: *after beating up the last of the thugs* Man, that was too easy!

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TRISTAN: Not so fast! There're like 20 coming our way!

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JOEY: Alright, then, TO THE MAI MOBILE!

*Everyone stares at Joey*

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JOEY: Um… Let's get outta here…

*Yugi and gang run over to where Mai's car is parked, get in, and escape safely.*

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TRISTAN: Next time, Joey, read the map RIGHT SIDE UP!

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JOEY: SHADDAP!

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DAY TWO: 2:00 P.M., IN MAI'S RENTAL CAR

*Everyone is singing.*

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TRISTAN: I see a little silhouetto of a man

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EVERYONE ELSE: Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango  
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very fright'ning me  
(Joey: Galileo) Galileo (Joey: Galileo) Galileo, Galileo figaro  
**JOEY:** Magnifico I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me

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EVERYONE ELSE: He's just a poor boy from a poor family,  
Spare him his life from this monstrosity

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JOEY: Easy come, easy go, will you let me go

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EVERYONE ELSE: Bismillah! No, we will not let you go  
(Tristan: Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go  
(Tristan: Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go  
(Joey: Let me go) Will not let you go  
(Joey: Let me go) Will not let you go (Joey: Let me go) Ah  
No, no, no, no, no, no, no  
**JOEY:** (Everyone Else: Oh mama mia, mama mia) Mama mia, let me go

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EVERYONE ELSE: Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me

*Everyone starts head banging!*

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YUGI: *suddenly* Wait! Joey, isn't your aunt rich?

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JOEY: Shut up, Yugi! You jus… MAI, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE DRIVING!!!

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DAY TWO: 3:00 P.M., AT THE BRITISH EMBASSY

*Bakura steps into the building. He sees a man with brown hair, glasses, and a funny-looking suit and walks up to him.*

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BAKURA: Excuse me, but I seem to be lost. Where exactly am I?

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AUSTIN POWERS: Why, you're in the British Embassy, of course! And, it's definitely nice to see another Brit here in America!

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BAKURA: Um, I'm Scottish.

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AUSTIN: Uh, no, you're British.

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BAKURA: No, I'm Scottish.

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AUSTIN: No, that's a British accent you got there.

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BAKURA: No, I have a Scottish accent.

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FAT BASTARD: *appears out of nowhere* No, you have a British accent. I'M the one with the Scottish accent.

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BAKURA: I HAVE A BLOODY SCOTTISH ACCENT, DAMMIT!

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FAT BASTARD: Well, that's one crappy Scottish accent.

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AUSTIN: I'm sure he's British.

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BAKURA: For the last time, I'm Scottish!

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NIGEL POWERS: *appears out of nowhere* Well, at least he's not Dutch!

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DAY TWO: 3:00 P.M., IN A TIMES SQUARE MUSIC STORE

*Yugi walks up to a CD sampling centre and puts on the headset. After sampling a few songs, he suddenly jumps and pulls Joey over.*

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YUGI: *excited* Joey! Joey! It's that song!!! You know! THAT SONG!!! THE REAL THING!!! THE ENGLISH VERSION!!! Here, put on this headset.

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JOEY: Really?! ALRIGHT!

*Joey puts on the second headset attached to the sampler Yugi is using. The two start singing.*

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YUGI: Neeear, faaar,

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JOEY: Whereeeeever you aaare,

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BOTH: I belieeeve that the heart must go oooooooo-oooooon!

*A Goth guy and a Goth girl walk up to Yugi and Joey.*

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GOTH GUY: *in monotonous, smooth, slow, calm voice* excuse me

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YUGI: *taking off headset* Yes?

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GOTH GIRL: *in monotonous, smooth, slow, calm voice* we just could not help but notice that you guys were singing 'My Heart Will Go On'

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GOTH GUY: and we wanted to tell you that your singing really touched us

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GOTH GIRL: and it was just so deep and we could feel your soul coming out

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GOTH GUY: and it was the most amazing experience listening to you two sing

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GOTH GIRL: it was truly inspiring and has encouraged me to write yet another poem

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GOTH GUY: and who cut your hair? it is truly beautiful

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GOTH GIRL: we are interested in getting a hair style just like yours

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GOTH GUY: as it will most likely help us channel our inner spirits and bring out the deeply poetic natures of our dark dark souls

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GOTH GIRL: and would you like to come to a Goth party with us tonight?

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GOTH GUY: we are sure your deep and heart-piercing voices will touch our brothers and sisters

*silence*

*more silence*

*even more silence*

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JOEY: *spotting Mai holding a CD* Heeey, honey! Shall I buy that for you?!

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YUGI: *spotting Tea holding a DVD* Um, hey, dearest! Wasn't that the DVD you wanted?

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MAI AND TEA: *to one another* What's gotten into them?

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DAY TWO: 3:20 P.M., IN THE BRITISH EMBASSY

*Bakura is having tea with Austin, Fat Bastard, and Nigel Powers.*

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AUSTIN: Ooooooh, so the stupid American dubbers decided to give you that British accent even though you're a Scottish boy with blue hair wearing a wussy white sweater born in Japan! That actually makes sense!

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FAT BASTARD: Oy, those crazy American dubbers!

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NIGEL: Well, at least they didn't give him a Dutch accent!

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DAY TWO: 3:30 P.M., AT MICROSOFT NEW YORK

*Kaiba steps into the office of Bill Gates, who is sitting at his massive desk.*

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KAIBA: So, you're the one they call Bill Gates.

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GATES: *in a geeky voice* Yes, that's me! I'm the kiiing of the wooorld!

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KAIBA: Well, not anymore. As of tomorrow, Microsoft will be called Kaibasoft!

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GATES: *stands up* What are you talking about? I have enough money to BUY a million of you!

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KAIBA: HAHAHA! You really think so?

*Kaiba opens his suitcase, pulls out his holographic 'Yu-Gi-Oh' card game machine, and attaches it to his wrist.*

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KAIBA: Consider this a… HOSTILE takeover! Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon, GO!!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

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GATES: Oh, yeah?! INTEL MEN, come to the aid of your master!!! And, rest assured that 'Yu-Gi-Oh' will NEVER come to X-BOX!!!

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KAIBA: Don't worry! I have contracts with Sony and Nintendo, and I will soon OWN your candy ass! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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GATES: BY THE POWER OF WINDOWS!!!

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KAIBA: BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL!!!

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DAY TWO: 4:00 P.M., IN FRONT OF A CONVENTION CENTRE

JOEY: *drooling* Do you guys see what that sign says?

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YUGI: Oh, no…

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JOEY: Yep! It's the ANNUAL 5-DAY ADULT SHOW!!! WOOHOO! HEAVEN, HERE I COME!

*Joey runs towards the front door and is stopped by a female guard.*

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GUARD: *holding Joey back* HOLD IT! I'm darn sure you're not 18 yet, so beat it!

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JOEY: No, NO! I came all the way from Japan! PLEASE LET ME IN!

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GUARD: I SAID NO! Now LEAVE!

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JOEY: But… but… THE PORN IS UNCENSORED!!! I WANNA SEE UNCENSORED PORN! LET GO OF ME!!!

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GUARD: If you don't leave, I'm going to have to have you arrested!

*Mai walks up to the guard, looks at Joey, and then punches him in the balls, making him crumble to the ground crying.*

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MAI: *smirking* You just have to know how to deal with men, girlfriend. *walks away*

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YUGI: Sometimes, I wonder why Joey's my best friend…

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TRISTAN: What are you talking about? You're the one who helps him buy most of his adult stuff…

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YUGI: Shut up!

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DAY TWO: 4:00 P.M., MIDDLE-EARTH

Gimli: I'm too short!

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Legolas: Indeed you are.

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Aragorn: Why the Hell are we in a 'Yu-Gi-Oh' fanfic?

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DAY TWO: 4:15 P.M., IN A COFFEE SHOP NEAR THE CONVENTION CENTRE

*Yugi, Tristan, and Tea are sitting at a table enjoying their drinks. Joey is enjoying the floor while still curled up in a ball holding his crotch.*

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YUGI: Joey, you okay?

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JOEY: Oooooooh….

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TRISTAN: Man, I still can't believe Mai did that.

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TEA: Well, I still can't believe that security guard challenged Mai to a nude catfight in a pool of jelly just because Mai one-upped her.

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JOEY: *in almost a whisper* Shut up, please…

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YUGI: Yeah, I could never imagine Mai accepting that kind of challenge!

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TRISTAN: Well, I can, and a whole lot more! HAHA!

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TEA: *frowning* Pervert!

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YUGI: HAHA! Well, Mai accepted. Who do you think is winning?

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JOEY: *a bit louder* Shup up, please…

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TRISTAN: Come on! The guard's been trained. She's obviously winning!

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TEA: No way! Mai is a tough girl! I bet she is totally beating that stupid guard!

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TRISTAN: You know what? I think the REAL winners are the people watching the two of them nude and going at it!

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JOEY: *screams* SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! THIS IS SO UNFAIR! I WANNA SEE MAI AND THE GUARD FIGHTING NUDE, BUT I'M NOT OLD ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!

*Everyone in the store stares at Joey.

*Yugi, Tristan, and Tea get up and leave.*

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DAY TWO: 5:00 P.M., TWO BLOCKS AWAY FROM THE CONVENTION CENTRE

*The group is walking down the street. Joey is lagging and walking funny.*

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YUGI: So, Mai, who won?

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MAI: *blushing* Well, uh, it was a tie. Heh heh…

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TRISTAN: What's with the blush? What happened?

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TEA: Come on, Tristan. She had to fight in the nude. I don't think you should ask her any more about it. You're embarrassing her!

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TRISTAN: Sorry.

*Suddenly, there is an explosion from a nearby building and a flaming car goes flying in the direction of Yugi and his friends.*

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YUGI: NO! WATCH OUT, EVERYONE!

*Just as they all think they're going to die, the car disappears and lands 20 feet away from them. And, in a blink of an eye, a man in a blue costume and red cape with an 'S' on his chest appears before the group.*

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SUPERMAN: Have no fear, citizens of New York! Superman is here to save the day. Now, I must help the rest of the people here.

*Superman flies away.*

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YUGI: Was that a man flying around in his underwear?

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TRISTAN: Yes… Yes it was…

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MAI: Crazy Americans…

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TEA: Well, he WAS kinda cute.

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DAY THREE: 7:00 P.M., AT THE AIRPORT

*Yugi and his friends are about to get on the plane.*

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BAKURA: *running up to the group* Hey, everybody.

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YUGI: Bakura! Am I glad to see you! Where were you? And, is Kaiba with you?

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BAKURA: I actually don't know where I was…

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KAIBA: *appears out of nowhere* And, I just finished taking over Microsoft!

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JOEY: WHAT?! You took over Microsoft?!

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KAIBA: *smirking* That's right! But, since I'm in Japan all the time, I let the previous owner continue to run the company, and I'm keeping the Microsoft name.

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TRISTAN: COOL! So, does this mean that the X-BOX will soon be getting a 'Yu-Gi-Oh' game?

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KAIBA: Hmm. That will be up to me. You never know.

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TEA: Well, it's good to know everyone's okay. Now, it's time to get on the plane.

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MAI: Yeah, I'm definitely looking forward to getting back to Japan. A nice, long soak in a hot spring will get this jelly smell off my body.

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JOEY: Please don't remind me about that incident.

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MAI: *laughing* Tea, tell Joey how nice those photos of me and Mindy are.

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JOEY: YOU GOT PHOTOS?! SHOW ME SHOW ME SHOW ME!!!

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YUGI: I don't know him.

*An announcement comes on stating that it is the last call for passengers on the Air Canada flight to Japan.*

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JOEY: Ah, we're gonna get on yet another fine American aircraft!

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YUGI: I think I saw Canada on a map, and it's a country.

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JOEY: No, it isn't.

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YUGI: Yes, it is.

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TEA: *sweatdrop* GET ON THE PLANE!

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YUGI AND JOEY: Yes, ma'am…

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- THE END -


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